How do you deal with those very real feelings of panic after a break up?
First off you have to ask yourself how you might feel tomorrow if you do something like sneak onto your ex’s Facebook or phoning him late at night to see if he is home. You need to weigh out how bad you are going to feel and how bad you are going to look to him if you spill out a bunch of emotion.
People lose self-control after a break up because they feel like they have lost control over the other person. Women, especially can feel that they have lost control over their entire lives. Even if they were not that happy in the relationship they at least knew what was happening next. They would make up with the guy after a fight and then he would cheat or do whatever split them up in the first place. For women, especially, a break up means a loss of identity that is difficult to deal with.
The result is feeling like you must do something immediate and drastic to combat that feeling of being completely out of control. This is why people become compulsive and drunk-dial their ex or become irrational in the days following the break up. They feel like if they do not do something about the situation right this minute they will lose the person.
Before you can do anything to save the relationship you have to get a grip and become a rational human being again. This may not happen in a couple of minutes or even a couple of nights.
In fact, the average time that couples need to recover from a bad split is about six weeks. That is how long it can take you to feel sane again.
You are broken up with your relationship anyway so why not take a real break from it. Use the split as a chance to recover from it emotionally. Taking a break from it means staying away from your ex. Do not call, email, stop by or hang out where you think he or she will. The sooner you stop compulsively trying to get your ex back, the sooner you will be able to recover and eventually regain the relationship.
That’s right. You have to avoid the relationship (for now) to save the relationship. Think of it like pruning a rose so it can grow back bigger and stronger later.